Indubitably dubious: Mikey!

Esquire magazine's current issue contains its annual Dubious Achievement Awards, a compendium of the most idiotic, numbskull-ish, moronic, out-and-out stupid and just plain dumb people and events of the last year. And, yes, Mikey made the cut — again!

Under the heading 'Most Dubious Quote': "We the jury in the above-entitled case find the defendent not guilty of a lewd act upon a minor child as charged in count two of the indictment." — The jury in the Michael Jackson trial

Most Dubious Person of the Year: Michael Jackson (5.6% — Yes, George Bush beat Mikey to the title by a landslide!)

Under the headline WE THOUGHT THAT WAS WHAT'S UNDER THE FLAP IN THE MIDDLE OF MICHAEL'S FACE: The younger brother of Michael Jackson's alleged victim testified that Jackson referred to him as "Blow Hole."

Under the headline WHO AM I? Match the celebrity with the inappropriate self-comparison: The day after Michael Jackson was acquitted of child-molestation charges, his website featured images of historic events, such as Martin Luther King, Jr.'s birth, Nelson Mandela's release from prison, the fall of the Berlin Wall, and finally the date of his acquittal: 6/13/05.

Under the headline Where will the [Burger] King turn up next?: A courtroom sketch from Mikey's molestation trial features the scary burger chain ad guy in the witness box, as a pageboy-sporting Mez stands before the freakish defendent.

Those were good but we think Mikey was cheated — he deserved at least a full page all to himself! We're comforted knowing that he's working on that page-full of dubious achievements right now, wherever he is... 2006 is gonna be his year, just watch!

Note: The pic is from August 2003's 'Celebration of Love' and no, we have no idea why a rhinestone-shinned Mikey is kneeling before a fringed denim mini-skirted hoochie. Perhaps it's an impromptu rehearsal for a 'Cinderfella' update? Whatever it was you know he never once looked up!