Nuts and chews!

Lift the lid off the internet and you'll find it's full of sites devoted to Mikey and his many "charms"... the best/worse of these sites we call the 'Nuts and Chews'... We refer to them this way because they remind us of those most horridly sweet, awfully textured, least desirable offerings lurking in that box of candy that would show up around Valentine's Day: Bleah! Gross... we hated them yet we had to taste them anyway. Dunno why, just weird like that. So, under that heading we will attempt to present periodically the best/worse of those Mikey-oriented sites for your viewing pleasure/horror. We inaugurate this new feature with this site called, (ready?) 'Michael: Who is like the lord".

This site's homepage features: Mikey looking vaguely Hassidic sucking the soul from a screaming infant; silhouetted children running to a monstrous tree and reaching for...? as pterodactyls hover overhead; an idealized fan-drawn pencil portrait that features a gleaming, caramel colored Mikey (minus nose-snaps and tattooed eyeliner/eyebrows); a Biblical verse from Proverbs "In all ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy path" (acknowledge who? direct your path to where?); and lastly a button where you can pledge your undying belief in Mikey... shudder! Because of the third world conditions of Jackolandia HQ at the moment we're reduced to using dial-up — and can't get the whole site to download during this century. Trust us it's a hoot! One bite outta this nutty chew and you'll lose your cookies! If you can get in, lucky DSL-ers, let us in on what else is inside...

Wait! The next page finally loaded and this slogan was at the top: Michael Jackson vindicated!!! Unis testis, nulis testis! ~TLC Our Latin is a little rusty but we think that slogan translated means: Michael Jackson vindicated!!! The speckled testicles beat the rap! We found this photo of the abaya-clad Mikey there, too... love the umbrella!